I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
