Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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