It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm at about main and main street
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
