Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
