Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize