Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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