I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
