You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
