Do vagina's smell?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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