oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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