I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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