That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
