Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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