My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
