Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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