So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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