He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
