half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
