I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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