when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
