You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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