70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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