i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What a dumb baby whore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
