Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Everything about him screamed your future.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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