It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
