there's paper in my vomit.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
