I faked an abortion last night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
