Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
