just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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