Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
