I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
