can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
