She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
