i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
