trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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