Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
