now i know why i became what i already was.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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