Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
