The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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