i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
