So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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