WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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