you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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