airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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