Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
