hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
