You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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