those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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