Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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