The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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