I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
