how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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