Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
