Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
