That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
