i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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