It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
