Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
