I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
