Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
