She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize