Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
