what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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