do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
