i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
