1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we're so committed to being not committed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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