i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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