Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
