My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
