WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize