what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
