I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
