a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
