dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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