Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
