Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
