i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
