if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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