Ambien. No doubt about it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
