put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize