dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize